SLASH, DUFF MCKAGAN AND MATT SORUM IN:
                                 THE AXL HUNT
                              BY TYLER SPIEGELAND



The headline's on Circus Magazine read:

 AXL ROSE INTERVIEW
 THE FIRST AXL INTERVIEW OF 2004!

Slash is walking by a magazine stand in Manhattan, New York. He is
interested in what Axl has to say, so he decides to buy a copy. As he goes
to pay for the magazine, a man behind him said: "Hey. Ain't you Slash?
Guitar legend?" "Yeah. Want an autograph?" says Slash. " Yeah sure." As a
guy with a polaroid in his hand walks by. Slash asks " Hey. Can we borrow
your polaroid for a second?" "Sure. Why not." says the guy. The guy hands
the camera to the Slash fan. The Slash fan takes a picture of Slash. When
the polaroid shortly slipped out and appeared, Slash gladly signed it.
"See ya." said Slash. Now, to pay for that magazine, thought Slash. Slash
walks up to the paying stand and pays for the magazine. He is staying in a
hotel with the rest of the band (Velvet Revolver), so he starts walking
towards it. Eventually he's there, signing in. He walks up to his room and
knocks on Duff's door. Then Matt's, Dave's and Scott's. Eventually they
are all out. Slash says: " Guys come in my room, I wanna show you
something." "Alright," says Dave. They all walk into Slash's room. Slash
show's them the magazine and says: " See this." " A 2004 Axl interview!"
Duff says. " What?" says Matt. "Let me see that." Matt takes the magazine.
He opens up to the contents. "Page 47." "Here it is." he says. He starts
reading. "Oh Slash, your not gonna like this man." "What?" asks Slash.
"Look." says Matt. "Blablablablablablabla..." Slash mumbles. " As for
Slash, I've just got to say he is the most greedy, selfish, jerk I've ever
met in my life. Scott Weiland will never fill my shoes." Slash read. " Ya
know, we got nuthin' ta do this week right?" "Right," said Scott. "Well, I
wouldn' t usually do this, but I think I'm gonna hunt down Axl. You guys
comin' ?" "You really wanna do this?" asked Duff. "Yeah why not. I mean, I
beat Axl in the Celebrity Death Match, so I guess people think I'm
stronger. I think I can destroy Axl. The new Axl anyway." "Alright I'm In"
said Duff. "I think me and Scott should stay, because you guys have
already had experience with Axl," said Dave. "Yeah, I agree with Dave,"
said Scott. " I've been wanting to get back at Axl for all that not
showin' up for gigs, and walking of the stage," said Matt. " I'm in." "
Okay. We need a taxi, plane tickets to Hollywood, Paul Gallota, and
anybody who can lead us to Axl or Tommy Stinson, " said Slash. " Who are
Paul Gallota and Tommy Stinson?" asked Matt. " Paul Gallota is the guy who
interviewed Axl in this magazine. Tommy Stinson is the new GNR bassist who
has been doing alot right now. He just released an album called Village
Gorilla Head, and is being interviewed alot." "How do you know all that?"
asked Scott. "Internet," said Slash. "Okay, why don't you use the internet
to find out plane times, while me and Matt get ready." said Duff. " Yeah,
and me and Dave will schedule a photo signing," said Scott. "Sure," says
Dave. "Hey guys look," said Slash. "A Buckethead poster." "Haha! Didn't he
quit sometime this year?" said Matt. "Yeah. I got the info off Here
Today... Gone To Hell.com" said Slash. "They tell news about us and GNR."
"Whatever," said Duff.
 It is now Sunday. Everybody's packed. Slash has got the plane
 tickets, a six pack of beer, his guitars (in case he wants to perform),
 and his top hat. Duff and Matt have their instruments too. They get on
 the plane in first class seats. They're off! Slash, Matt and Duff along
 with Billy Idol and a drummer named Brain. Brain looks at them with wide
 open eyes. "You're... You're Matt Sorum, Duff Mckagan and Slash, right?"
 said Brain. " Yeah. Why?" said Duff. "Uh! Nothing. Nothing at all." said
 Brain."Oh. Okay." said Slash. "Why are you so stubborn?" said Duff. "No
 reason." said Brain. "Okay," said Duff. "Wow! Look guys! It's Billy
 Idol!" said Brain. "Yeah, cool," said Matt. "Billy, you know who we are?"
 said Duff. "Of course I know who you are! I'm only one of the biggest
 Guns N' Roses fans ever! Nice to meet you Slash, A.K.A, Saul Hudson. And
 you Duff Mckagan, A.K.A Michael Mckagan. Can't forget about you Matt
 Sorum." said Billy exitingly. "Wow. You are a big fan." said Slash. "I've
 alson been keepin' up with the new GNR too. but you guys probably don't
 care about that. Hey you're-" Brain covered Billy's mouth as he pointed
 at him. "Hey get offa him!" yelled Duff. "No!" yelled Brain. Duff was
 mad! You don't wanna get Duff Mckagan mad! He got out his bass and
 started hitting him in the face and stomach. He beat him until he died
 while the others were yelling "Stop Duff! Stop!". Obviously, he was
 drunk. The flight attendant came in. She had handcuffs. When they landed,
 Duff was sent to jail. Slash and Matt went to Duff's cell quickly after
 they put him in there. Duff said " Go find Axl without me guys. Just
 visit me before you go back to Manhattan." "Alright, good luck." said
 Matt. "See ya," said Slash. Slash and Duff went back to scene of the
 crime where Brain was dead. His parents were there crying. "Are you his
 mother?" said Matt. "Yes," said Brain's mother. "Please, we'd like to go
 to his funeral. We're not like Duff," said Matt. " Who's Duff?" said
 Brain's mom. "He's your sons killer," said Slash. Matt elbowed Slash in
 the chest as the lady started crying more. "We'll pay for the funeral.
 It's gonna be top notch with the biggest grave in stock. How does that
 sound?" said Matt. "That sound's lovely. Wo'nt you kind men stay at our
 house?" "Sure," said Slash. "Yeah, why not," said Matt. "Uh oh!" said
 Slash. "What?" said Brain's Mom. "Fans!" said Matt. "Give us your address
 and we'll try to be home by 1:00." said Slash. "Okay, here's the address.
 See you later." said Brain's Mom. "Bye," said Matt. Matt, Slash, and
 Billy started running towards a bar/club. They run in. "Got any
 entertainment tonight?" said Billy to the guy at the bar. "No" said the
 guy at the bar. "How bout it guys. Wanna perform a couple covers?" said
 Billy to Slash and Duff. "Sure! We got our instruments! Why not!" said
 Slash. "Cool." said Matt. "Let's set up." Eventually they are set up. The
 setlist was:

Rock N' Roll (Led Zeppelin Cover)
Used To Love Her (Guns N' Roses Cover)
Announcement that this is one night, and one night only.
Fall To Pieces (Velvet Revolver Cover)
Mother Gone (Billy Idol Cover)
Slither (Velvet Revolver Cover)
Youth Gone Wild (Skid Row Cover)
Knockin' On Heaven's Door (Bob Dylan Cover) (They sing it like Guns N' Roses)
Speed (Billy Idol Cover)
Be the Ball (Minus Billy Idol) (Slash's Snakepit Cover)
Sex Type Thing (Stone Temple Pilots Cover)
Jump (Van Halen Cover) (Before the show, Slash called up Teddy Andreas and
asked him if he could play for one song. He said yes. the song was Jump.
Before they started the song, Slash introduced Teddy.)
Venus (Billy Idol Cover)

At the end Billy said to the crowd "Goodbye Hollywood!".
The show has ended. Slash, Matt and Billy are out of the club and are
walking on the streets of Hollywood. "Man! That was awesome! That was
crazy!" said Slash. "Man, you should tour with us," said Matt. "Yeah,
that'd be cool. Maybe you could guest star on Fall To Pieces. That was
great." said Slash. "Yeah, I thought that was good too," said Idol. "I
liked performing some of my songs too. Just like the old days," said
Billy. "Yeah. You're lucky that I played a few of your riffs as I was
growing up." said Slash. "Yeah. I can't believe we pulled off Youth Gone
Wild." said Matt. "Yeah, that was hard. I hope Bach doesn't sue," said
Billy. "Well he wasn't in the crowd so, i guess he won't find out. I can't
believe Axl tried to sue us," said Slash as he laughs about the last part.
"Speaking of Axl, we still gotta find him."said Matt. "Oh yeah. I forgot.
We're so caught up in everything. Like the funeral and Billy." said Slash.
"Man! We still gotta do the funeral." said Matt. ""Billy, what time is
it." Billy looks at his watch. "It's 12:52," said Billy. "Whoa. We gotta
go. Nice meetin' ya Billy." said Slash. "Yeah we gotta go. S'been great."
said Matt. "I had great time. Let's keep in touch. Bye." said Billy. "Come
On. Let's go," said Matt. Eventually, Slash and Matt are at Brain's
parent's house. In the morning, Slash and Matt got up early to make the
funeral reservations. They got the best oderves and the biggest grave.
You'd never think that two rock stars would have such a heart. Brain's Dad
woke up, surprised to see Slash and Matt up so early. "Wow. I didn't
expect to see you up until noon. You were out late, weren't you?" said
Brain's Dad. "Well, we're rock stars. It's in our blood to never be
sleepy," said Matt. Slash opened up his suitcase of luggage. "Hey! Who
drank my six pack?! I bet it was Duff! He must have been drunk while
killing Brain!" yelled Slash. "Brain wasn't his real name. His real name
was Brian Mantia. He was a great man in a rock band. I forget the name of
the rock band." said Mr. Mantia. "Great," said Slash. "Ya got any beer?"
"We don't drink," said Mr. Mantia. "But there's a liquor store right down
the street." "K. I think I'll stop down there. Want anything?" said Slash.
"No man," said Matt. Slash leaves the house on his way to the liquor
store. He's just walkin' down the street with a smoke in his mouth. All of
the sudden, this Corvette starts crusin' down the street playin some Tommy
Stinson really loud. Slash turns his head to see, and notices that Tommy
Stinson is in the car! Slash yells "Tommy Stinson!" Tommy turns his head
to see. He notices it's Slash! "Whoa!" yells Tommy. He speeds up and
leaves as fast as he can. Slash chases him on the sidewalk running as fast
as he can! But that corvette was just way too fast. Except, when he speeds
up without looking, he crashes into the car in front of him! This was
Slash's chance! Slash runs up to his window and starts knocking. Tommy
gets out the other side and starts running! He's running, looking behind
at Slash who is following him. Tommy crashes into a cop that saw the car
crash! Tommy is put in the police officer's car and is being taken to
jail. "Aw man," said Slash. Well, he starts walking back towards the
liquor store thinking "I almost had him! I almost had him!" When he goes
into the store, he buys a 12 pack. The cashier notices that he's Slash.
"Wow! Slash! Can I get an autograph?" asked the cashier. "Sure. Got a
pen?" said Slash. "Yeah. I got a Snakepit CD too." said the cashier.
"Great," said Slash. "Here ya go," said the cashier as he gave him the CD
and pen. Slash signed the CD and bought his beer. He starts to walk home.
As he walks, he sees a magazine stand like the one in New York. The
headlines on RIP magazine said:

 SLIPKNOT GOES TOURING

Then, in the corner it said:

SEBASTIAN BACH
METALLICA
>BOWLING FOR SOUP
VELVET REVOLVER

Slash was obviously interested in the Velvet Revolver part. So he buys a
copy and opens it up to the Velvet Revolver part. It said:

 GUNS N' ROSES MINUS STONE
 TEMPLE
 PILOTS

It said that Scott and Dave had a signing. Someone asked Scott to sign a
Contraband CD. It had a sticker on it that said "Includes Members Of Guns
N' Roses".Scott got furious because it said nothing about Stone Temple
Pilots. He asked to ban those stickers from all stores. Slash says "Scott,
Scott, Scott." It also tells that Duff is in jail. Anyway, Slash is back
at the house. When he walks in, he finds Mrs. Mantia writing invitations
to Brain's funeral. Matt is at the table too, licking envelopes. "Hey
man," said Slash. "Got your beer?" asked Matt. "Yep," said Slash. "So,
when's the funeral?" asked Slash. "Tomorrow," said Matt. "TOMORROW?! How
are you gonna deliver those invitations in time?!" asked Slash. "Everybody
who's invited is coming over today. She thought this would be a fun way to
invite people. With invitations," said Matt. "Okay. Whatever," said Slash.
>"What time are the people coming over?" "4:00," said Mrs. Mantia. "Do you
think they will like us?" asked Slash. "Well, you payed for the best
funeral and grave ever! I think they'll like you," said Mrs. Mantia.

Tommy is at the police station being asked questions. "Do you know that
the lady in front of you was the governor's wife?" asked the cop. "Arnold
Schwarzeneggar's wife?" said Tommy. "Yes. The governor's wife," said the
cop. "Let's put him in a cell," said one cop to another cop. "Alright,"
said the other cop. "Let's Go," said one of the cops. They took him to a
cell with another rock star in it. He had blond hair. It was Duff! They
put Tommy Stinson in the same cell as Duff Mckagan! Tommy knows who Duff
is but, Duff doesn't know who Tommy is. "Hey," said Duff. "What you in
for?" he asked. "Crashin' into Arnold Schwarzeneggar's wife's car," said
Tommy. "Cool," said Duff. "I'm Duff," he said. "I'm Tommy," said Tommy
(obviously). "That's weird. Me and my pals were looking for Axl Rose. We
wanted information from a guy named Tommy. I think he's the bassist for
the new Guns N' Roses," said Duff. "Really. Cool," said Tommy. "I used to
play bass for them. I'm in a band called Velvet Revolver. I can't wait to
meet the guy who replaced me. If I do anyway," said Duff. "You used to
play in Guns N' Roses? Wow," said Tommy. He is acting like he doesn't know
who he is. Axl Rose gets notice that Tommy's in jail. He rushes to the
jail quickly. "Can I see Tommy Stinson?" asked Axl. "Yeah. Cell number 6,"
said the officer. "Thanks," says Axl. He rushes to cell number 6. "AXL?!"
yell Duff and Tommy surprised. "Duff?!" yells Axl surprised. "Tommy!"
yells Axl. "Duff? Tommy and Duff?!" "You know him?" asks Duff to Tommy.
"Alright! I confess! I'm Tommy Stinson! Your Replacement!" confesses
Tommy. "What?! And they put us in the same cell!" said Duff. "Shut up
Duff!" said Axl. "You! Tommy. How has Axl been treating you?" asks Duff.
"Fine," said Tommy. "Well, later in the days, you'll realize that he's
nothing but an inconsiderate backstabber!" said Duff. "Besides. Do you
think that you're really gonna put another album out?" "Yeah! I've heard
like 2 or 3 of the songs all mixed and ready to go!" "Come on Tommy! I'm
gonna pay the price to get you outta here," said Axl. "It's gonna be like
$20,000 to pay for that car," said Tommy. "Well, I guess we can hold off
the album until April," said Axl. Duff laughs. "No. Just leave me here.
It's okay. Get a substitute bassist. I'll still be in the credits for the
songs I did," said Tommy. "Okay," said Axl. "I gotta be somewhere anyway,"
said Axl. "Alright. See ya," said Tommy. Axl starts to walk away and
stops. "Oh yeah. Screw you Duff!" he said. "Yeah! Same to you Axl! Same to
you!" said Duff. Then Axl walks out laughing. Duff punches Tommy in the face.
Back to Slash and Matt. It's 3:58 and the first guests have arrived.It was
some cousins. By 4:30, just about everyone was there. The door bell rang.
"Can you boys answer that?" asked Mrs. Mantia. "Sure," said Matt and
Slash. They open the door. "AXL!" yelled Slash and Matt. That's right. Axl
Rose was at the the door. Axl Rose, Robin Fink, Dizzy Reed, Richard Fortus
and Chris Pitman. "Who are you other guys?! And why are you here Axl?!"
asks Slash. "This is Guns N' Roses minus Brain and Tommy Stinson! My
question is, Why are you guys here?!" says Axl. "Brain was in YOUR BAND?!
We would never of volunteered to pay for his funeral if we knew he was in
your band!" said Matt. "Brain's DEAD?!" said Dizzy. "Dizzy?! What are you
doing here?!" asked Matt. "Didn't you know? He's in the new band," said
Slash. "Really? Dizzy? Why did you stay with Axl?" asked Matt."They hired
me at the last minute. It was an offer I couldn't refuse," said Dizzy.
"AAAAAAAAAH!" yelled Slash as he tackles Axl! There punching and kicking
and wrestling and killing each other! It's a fierce battle! Ooh! Slash is
winning! Ow! That had to hurt! Slash just kicked Axl in the face. Oh!
Slash got a punch right in the crotch! Niether are out yet! That had to
hurt! Slash just hit Axl with his patented top hat! "Slash!" says Matt as
he passes him a drumstick. Ooh! Slash just hit Axl in the head with Matt's
drumstick! "Axl!" said Robin. "Take this!" Robin passes him his guitar.
"Slash!" said Matt. "Take this!" Matt passed Slash his Gibson Les Paul.
There battling with guitars like swords! Obviously, Robin's guitar is no
match for Slash's Gibson Les Paul. Slash knocks Axl out in a heartbeat by
smashing him on the head with his guitar! Mrs. Mantia comes out to see
what's going on. "Oh my god!" she yells. "You boys get out of here! You
are like your friend who killed my son!" "But, he said bad stuff about me
in an issue of Circus magazine!" said Slash. "I don't care! That's no
reason to knock someone out! Who is this man?!" said Mrs. Mantia. "This is
Axl Rose. We're your dead son's band. Guns N' Roses," said Richard. "Oh.
Well, you boys leave just go. Your not invited to the funeral!" said Mrs.
Mantia. "We're paying for it!" said Slash. "My son doesn't need a fancy
funeral! Just get your stuff and go!" "Okay. Okay," said Matt. Slash and
Matt ran upstairs to get there stuff. They got packed and left for a
hotel. Slash had 3 plane tickets for tomorrow. That reminds him about
Duff. "Duff!" said Slash. "I totally forgot about Duff!" "Oh yeah. Duff's
in jail. Are we just gonna leave him here?" said Matt. "Uh, I guess we
have to," said Slash. "We should visit him before we go tomorrow," said
Matt. "Good idea," said the Top Hatted One. They check in at a hotel and
watch TV for 4 hours. Then they go to sleep? That's right, two rock stars
are going to sleep at 8:30. Bizzare huh. Well, the next morning they got
up and got packed for their plane ride. Before they went to the airport,
they stopped at the jail for Duff. They walk in."Can we see Duff Mckagan
please," asked Slash. "Sure. He's in cell 6 with Tommy Stinson," said the
officer. "TOMMY STINSON?!" said Slash. "Are you serious?!" "Yep," said the
officer. "Let's go," said Slash. They ran back to Duff and Tommy's cell.
"Wow! It's true! They really put Duff with Stinson!" said Slash. "Yeah,"
said Duff. "And I hate being with my Guns N' Roses replacement." "Hey
man," said Matt. "What did Stinson do?" "He crashed into Schwarzeneggar's
wife's car and couldn't pay for it." said Duff. "What are you guys doing?
Shouldn't you be at the airport?" "We just stopped by to say goodbye,"
said Slash. "Alright. See ya man," said Duff. "Bye," said Slash. "Good
luck with Tommy," said Matt. They left. They flew home in first class with
nobody famous. Just ordinary people. After 5 long hours, they were finally
home in Manhatten. They were meeting Dave and Scott at the airport. When
they arrived, everybody wanted autographs from Scott. Nobody really knew
who Dave was. Eventually, everyone (except Duff) was back at the hotel.
Matt and Slash started to write a song called "In Jail With Stinson". It
included stuff like:

Why'd ya have to get in jail as the same time as Tommy.
He'll probably call for his mommy.
Good luck with him Duff.
Don't take none of his stuff.

Well, Slash and Matt accomplished what they wanted to do. They got back at
Axl. Scott banned the "Members Of Guns N' Roses" stickers from stores and
Duff's in jail.

 THE END